Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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