if only i could text you this smell
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
