i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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