the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
