Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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