Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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