I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize