He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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