Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
