I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
