P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
