Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
