A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
