its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
