I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I skipped work to stalk him.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
