dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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