woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you didnt know i had herpes?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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