Tell her she can't have a vagina
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
