i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
