READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
