This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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