The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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