K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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