I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
