It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
