i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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