I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
