Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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