Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
