Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
