I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
