going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
