in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
