Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
