there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
