Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
