He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
