what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
