So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
