So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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