You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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