Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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