Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
