.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
