I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
