so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
