He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
