Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Text me some of your sweat
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
