I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
my liver is dry heaving
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
