There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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