Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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