she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
