I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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