Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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