I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
